our cab driver is having phone sex.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
