so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
