yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize