she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
