Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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