on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
