4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
