wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
