i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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