i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
false alarm, still single
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
