remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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