I'm really into asian looking animals
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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