exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
