Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
