Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
