So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
