maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
