I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
