doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so let's talk penis.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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