Don't you send me to vm
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
