So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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