Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
