I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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