mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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