In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
