just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
