so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize