So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
