Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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