You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
