Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
