I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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