Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
