my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
