so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
