Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
