Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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