my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I could have mohawked her pubes.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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