Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
