i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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