did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
