ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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