i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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