the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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