Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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