is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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