I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
