i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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