I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I puked a lego.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
