I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
