All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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