haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
