Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
