My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
