I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
