I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Found the puke drawer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
