Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
