Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
