it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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