I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
