Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
