I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
