Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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