I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
