Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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