guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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