apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How does one acquire holy water?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
