I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
