Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
