He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
