This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
