I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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