We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize