Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
