closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
