so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
