easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
