do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
